uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
