The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
