I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
