I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize