Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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