I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
