He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
