i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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