careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
