I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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