She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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