I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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