so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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