We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Everything about him screamed your future.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
