I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
