Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
