tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They took my balls.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
