So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
