i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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