Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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