Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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