you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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