so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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