she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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