Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
