Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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