i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
