dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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