Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize