How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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