the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize