TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
