I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
