Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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