I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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