We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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