is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
