ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
