Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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