My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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