Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
