It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
