i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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