i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
