It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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