Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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