Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
