there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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