Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
