Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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