I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
