My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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