I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
