we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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