Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
