If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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