she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
