Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
