I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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