Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
