I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
