Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
