the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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