I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
