My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
