DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
