I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
