broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
