dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
