I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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